Today I made the tough decision to ride my road bike at Williamsburg instead of the tri bike I’ve been training on. Why? Because I got scared. I got scared of falling.
I’ve been riding the tri-bike for about 3 weeks now and I’m still not totally comfortable on it. It is WAYYYY twitchier (is that a word? Well it is now) than my road bike. It moves at the slightest touch. Which means, when I’m actually in aero (which is still hard for me) and the wind blows, I get out of aero.
I’m not sure if this new found anxiety is from the bike or from the race fears. 4 years ago I attempted my first olympic tri and I didn’t finish (or DNF) the race. I never tried again. Now, I’m trying again and I’m just as afraid I’m going to fail. Granted, I failed in the swim last time for valid reasons but failed nonetheless. Now, I’m trying to limit the failure.
I’ve gained so much on the bike in the last few months. I’ve really enjoyed biking. I’ve learned how to successfully clip in and out in real tri shoes. I have foregone my clip pedals with the flat side. I’ve gone from an 11mph average to a 14/15 mph average. I’ve been handling things well. Then today the anxiety hit!
I had a nervous breakdown while out on lap 1 of 3 of our ride yesterday. I don’t know what it was, worries just snowballed. What if I failed again? What if I fell? Why am I’m so twitchy today? Why can’t I corner? Maybe I should slow down? Maybe if I power through this “kinda” turn? Maybe I should just stop biking altogether. Dear God I don’t know!
SO, I’m making the easy choice! I’m taking the bike I’m comfortable on and I’m finishing this race! Hopefully, my nervousness is just the race!!